Chicago Stock Yard Kilty Band :: bagpiping redefined

Chicago Stock Yard Kilty Band :: bagpiping redefined

Bagpiping Redefined

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			Hello Stockyard Featured Member fans…… That’s right, it’s your favorite Stockyard Scribe. I have been gone for several months on a fact-finding mission to get you the best stories from around the world about our Stockyard members. In the past, I have given you reports on many of our members that have more to them than meets the eye. How can we forget the enthralling stories about the Waas boys out of Lichtenstein and Ellen Norris who is actually a Latin American princess? How do I get these stories to bring to you, our dedicated readers? Long fact-finding missions that take a great deal of research and world traveling. This next tale will certainly go down as the crown jewel of all of the Featured Member features. In many of our Friday night practices, I have been observing our members looking for the most interesting people to write about. I slowly started to notice a few things about our fearless leader: Pipe Major Matt McKee. Being the bass drummer allows me to see the marching style of our pipers. I have noticed that Matt tends to swing his feet out far in front of him when he marches and I couldn’t think of where he had learned this style of marching. Also, in several of my conversations with the fearless leader (I have also noticed his great insistence of calling him “Fearless Leader”) he would refer to the good ole’ days when he was involved in the “party.” What party? The halfway to St. Patty’s Day party? I didn’t get it. Time for some world travel. One morning, I awoke to find myself hungover and in China. This may seem strange to you, but it’s all part of the usual fact-finding mission for me. I started wandering the streets with a picture of Matt and asking random people if they recognized the face. In many of the countries I had been to, there was no recognition. The people of China seemed to recognize the face instantly. They would start speaking in Chinese, most of which I didn’t understand. However, they would see my confusion and say one word in English: Chairman. What the heck did that mean? I dug into this further and went to the Great Temple to think. While there, I looked around and saw the picture that is at the beginning of this article. It all clicked and I started the research. Matt McKee, aka Chairman Mao Zedong, was the Chairman of the Communist Party in China from 1943 to 1976. During this time, he brought China together in ways that no one had ever dreamed of. However, some ofhis policies eventually led to a three-year famine that caused many deaths. His depression that resulted from the famine caused to seek solace in other ways. He eventually found solace in an instrument that would drive away the prying ears of his enemies: the bagpipes. In the last ten years of his reign, he tried vehemently to implement a Scottish uniform and a bagpipe and drum line on the Chinese Communist Army. His ideas were ripped to shreds by his compatriots and he found only more depression. In 1976, he faked his death and was taken out of the country secretly with the help of King Sanchez-Perez from Central Mexico. You may be familiar with this Latin royalty: he is the father of Esmerelda Sanchez-Perez, aka Ellen Norris. Mao was desperate to find a place where he could put his newfound talents to use. Of course, the king called his close friend Dave McKee Sr. in Chicago. Dave McKee met Chairman Mao and heard him play the pipes and believed that this man could be the Chinese man prophesized to bring balance to the force…uh…I mean, band. Dave trained Mao day and night and found that every lesson brought them closer and he began to love him like a son. Soon thereafter, Dave Sr. adopted Mao Zedong and changed his name to Matt McKee. Mao’s lust for power eventually found him the driver’s seat in the Stockyard Kilty Band. He is a fearless leader (see Matt, I called you fearless leader several times like you asked, now BACK OFF!) and he only speaks in Chinese when truly angry or completely inebriated. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you our featured member: Pipe Major Matt McKee (our fearless leader) (Matt, that’s the last time….no more!!)


			Our newest member of the month is the central character in a truly hair-raising – or arm-losing – story. This chilling tale begins in the foggy bogs of Britain. A young man was raised in the South of London and sent to all of the finest prep schools. It was at these schools that he began to learn the art of music. He focused on the classics at first, but soon became rapt with the works of rock ‘n’ roll. Thus begins the horrible tale of Nigel Merriweather…a.k.a Dave McKee Jr. Nigel was spending a lot of time on drums in his teen years and seemed to be drawn to the late Brit punk scene that was popular at the time. He left his prep school beginnings behind and thrust himself into his music and that underground music scene. Young Nigel soon became fast friends with the likes of Ozzy Osbourne, Iggy Pop, and countless others. It was with these characters that young Nigel developed a bit of a mean psychopathic streak. We will see the handiwork of this violent streak later in our story. Nigel had built up his skill a great deal and many of the other musicians were starting to take notice. A few of his fellow Brits approached him and made an offer to form a band with him and young Nigel accepted their offer. After months and months of hard practice, the band had finally developed a reputation for themselves in the London underground music scene. That band’s name would soon be known all over the world…Def Leppard!!! Nigel had started to grow a bit cocky with his newfound fame and he would often be found coming home at all hours with fresh bruises from his latest brawl or lipstick on his cheek from his latest conquest. His bandmates were growing tired with having to bail him out of jail every other weekend. It seems that young Nigel had let his fame go to his head and they promptly ejected him from the band. Nigel had never been so upset and he found a fury that he never knew he had rising up inside of him. Def Leppard had quickly found themselves a new drummer and were back on tour. Nigel began planning his revenge. As the poet said: Hell hath no fury like a hair-band drummer scorned…Nigel hid himself near an English highway waiting for the band’s tour bus and had set traps to blow the tires. Nigel’s plan had worked perfectly and all of the band members were alive but knocked out in the toppled over bus. Nigel worked his way into the wreck of the bus and, with the skills he learned from Ozzy Osbourne, CHEWED OFF THE DRUMMER’S ARM!!!!! Nigel ran off into the night cackling madly. Nigel knew he had to totally leave behind the life he knew. He moved to America, bought a new identity, and developed a brand new life as Dave McKee Jr. of Chicago. He even keeps up with drumming in the Stockyard Kilty Band. However, one reminder of his days in the British Underground Music scene remains… If you are brave enough, look at the bottom of McKee’s drum case…you might find something…gruesome. I leave you with the words of The Bloodhound Gang: The drummer for Def Leppard’s only got one arm!! The drummer for Def Leppard’s only got one arm!!


			September’s FMOTM for the SYKB is Esmerelda Sanchez-Perez (a.k.a Ellen Norris). She was born a Latin American princess amidst the adobes of Central Mexico. She was treated as royalty and was considered an idol by all the young women in her father’s kingdom. She found great pleasure in nature and would often be found frolicking around the castle grounds in rainstorms, enjoying the feeling of rain and the sudden sound of thunder. What she didn’t know was that one of these frolicking trips would change her life completely…. At the age of 12, she took time away from her princess duties to frolic yet again in a rainstorm. She was dancing in the rain by one of the castle walls that was covered in stained glass. A sudden lightning bolt struck at the base of that window and the bright light shone through the colored window and directly onto Esmerelda. The very power of the light knocked her across the courtyard and left her, nearly dead, in a smoking pile. Castle guards came to her aid immediately and brought her to the King’s infirmary. The power of the lightning bolt had changed the princess’ appearance dramatically. Her once dark hair had now turned to a brilliant shade of red and her dark Latin skin had been lightened to a delicate, porcelain white. The King’s doctors feared that this incident may have put her into a permanent coma, but, as fortune would have it, she came around within a few hours. Her father was very displeased with the changes that had been brought upon Esmerelda. He feared that the peasants would never take to a princess who seemed so unlike themselves. He decided to send her to a place where she would be accepted and where her talents could be put to use. She arrived at Midway airport one week later and was greeted by a close personal friend of the King: Dave McKee Sr.. He took Esmerelda to a family who would care for her (the family Norris) and required that she be brought to his home every week to be taught her new way of life. The Norris family gave her a name befitting her new life that was not all too different from the one she knew in her former life: Ellen. Dave McKee and the Norris’ taught Ellen all of the finer points of Irish life on the South Side of Chicago. She learned skills in bagpiping, bags, pool, darts, and drinking. As she got older, she found that the lightning bolt incident had given her not only a new appearance, but a new talent. She had increased powers of motherly intuition as well as powers in understanding children with learning disabilities. She applied these abilities toward a career as a Spec. Needs teacher for the City of Chicago. The brazen spirit that had made her an idol in Latin America is still evident in her today. Especially when you consider that she puts up with all of the crap that the mostly male Stockyards give her. She has grown very comfortable in her present life, though you will often find her cowering in a corner during a lightning and thunderstorm. However, just watch her once during a game of bags in the rain and you will see the indomitable spirit of Esmerelda Sanchez-Perez/Ellen Norris….our beloved Member of the Month.


			What can be said about this month’s featured member, Bill Collins? …..um….well….wait….hold on…okay, I think I got somethin’... The SYKB archival dept. did some deep digging on Bill Collins and it led us to…the sewer!!! Turns out our drum major spent a great deal of his life fixing the sewers in our beloved city. To do this job, ya gotta be a tough guy. And a tough guy, Bill is. Here are two examples of what kind of stuff Bill is made of: It is rumored that Bill broke his foot before a parade and continued on to do the parade anyway. While walking back to his car after parade in uniform, some joker said “Hey, nice skirt!” to our beloved Bill. Bill promptly broke this man’s jaw with one punch. The SYKB archival dept. decided to go the McKee family for a commentary on Bill: Q: Has Bill Collins been a leading influence in the band? Dave McKee Jr.: Absolutely! To tell a secret, I have no rhythm and I just wouldn’t know how to play if I wasn’t able to watch Bill’s feet stepping to the beat. Matt McKee: I know that I’m the musical leader of the band, but I don’t think I would have ever been able to lead the band in a parade if it wasn’t for the fearless leadership of Bill Collins. We would probably spend every parade at the warm-up space if it were left to me. Dave McKee Sr.: If Bill hadn’t opened up his Knight of Columbus Hall for the band to practice in, they large practice would most likely have been held at my house. I am forever grateful to Bill for all of the beer bottles that I don’t have to clean up on Friday night. Dan McKee: I actually live in Bill’s neighborhood, and I am grateful to Bill for not calling the cops on me when I jump his fence in the middle of the night and swim in his pool. Luke McKee: Bill has been a great influence on me, but I happen to know that the feature film The Music Man starring Robert Preston was a big influence on Bill. In fact, Bill had changed the lyrics to 76 Trombones and would sing them to me when I was feeling down after a less-than spectacular performance. He would sing: “Seventy-six bagpipes led the big parade/ While 110 side drums played the air/ They were followed by rows and rows of basses, tenors and altos/ The cream of every Kilty Band.” That always lifted my spirits and put a smile on my face. Well, there you have it folks. Make sure to wish a Happy Birthday to this month’s featured member: Bill Collins!!! At the age of 12, she took time away from her princess duties to frolic yet again in a rainstorm. She was dancing in the rain by one of the castle walls that was covered in stained glass. A sudden lightning bolt struck at the base of that window and the bright light shone through the colored window and directly onto Esmerelda. The very power of the light knocked her across the courtyard and left her, nearly dead, in a smoking pile. Castle guards came to her aid immediately and brought her to the King’s infirmary. The power of the lightning bolt had changed the princess’ appearance dramatically. Her once dark hair had now turned to a brilliant shade of red and her dark Latin skin had been lightened to a delicate, porcelain white. The King’s doctors feared that this incident may have put her into a permanent coma, but, as fortune would have it, she came around within a few hours. Her father was very displeased with the changes that had been brought upon Esmerelda. He feared that the peasants would never take to a princess who seemed so unlike themselves. He decided to send her to a place where she would be accepted and where her talents could be put to use. She arrived at Midway airport one week later and was greeted by a close personal friend of the King: Dave McKee Sr.. He took Esmerelda to a family who would care for her (the family Norris) and required that she be brought to his home every week to be taught her new way of life. The Norris family gave her a name befitting her new life that was not all too different from the one she knew in her former life: Ellen. Dave McKee and the Norris’ taught Ellen all of the finer points of Irish life on the South Side of Chicago. She learned skills in bagpiping, bags, pool, darts, and drinking. As she got older, she found that the lightning bolt incident had given her not only a new appearance, but a new talent. She had increased powers of motherly intuition as well as powers in understanding children with learning disabilities. She applied these abilities toward a career as a Spec. Needs teacher for the City of Chicago. The brazen spirit that had made her an idol in Latin America is still evident in her today. Especially when you consider that she puts up with all of the crap that the mostly male Stockyards give her. She has grown very comfortable in her present life, though you will often find her cowering in a corner during a lightning and thunderstorm. However, just watch her once during a game of bags in the rain and you will see the indomitable spirit of Esmerelda Sanchez-Perez/Ellen Norris….our beloved Member of the Month.


			We bring you a sad tale this month….originating in the once jolly land of Lichtenstein. Yes, Lichtenstein. Get your Kleenex, this one’s a tear-jerker. The Waas name had been synonymous with booty-shaking and jolly-making for centuries in the land of Lichtenstein. For they were the definitive booty-shakers and jolly-makers. Almedia Waas (supreme matriarch of the Waas line; 1685-1795) wanted a family that would procreate and carry on her ideals of joyful music making. Unfortunately, the great happiness cleansing that took place in Lichtenstein in 1985 all but destroyed this wonderful tradition. Fortunately, Mary Lou Waas was determined to keep great-great-great-great-grandma Almedia’s dream alive…. In America, the new home-base for the Waas family, Mary Lou gave birth to her son, Jack. Jack showed great potential for the family trade of booty-shaking and jolly-making from a young age. Young Jack would entertain passerby with a soprano rendition of “Danny Boy” while simultaneously breakdancing at the tender age of 2. Mary Lou was pleased with the promise of young Jack. Soon after Jack’s debut in the breakdancing world, Mary Lou gave birth to another son, Matt. Matt was different from his older brother. Matt was quiet and introspective in early life and the family feared that the outgoing boisterousness of the family may have ended with Jack. Until one day when the family was at the beach watching an Ultimate Frisbee game. Matt began sitting quietly but grew more interested with each toss of the Frisbee. Finally, in a burst of energy, Matt grabbed the Frisbee from the air, spun it on his finger and winged it into the end-zone. To celebrate his victory, Matt, age 3, played the entire drum solo from Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” using only sea shells, sand shovels and tin cans. The family tradition of booty-shaking and jolly-making would certainly not end with this one. The two brothers applied their talents to several activities: slam poetry, cliff diving, jewelry making, and independent film, just to name a few. However, the Waas boys often felt their talents were squandered on these pursuits. Fortunately, these two Paduan learners found the answer to their hopes and dreams in the form of Matt McKee and Dave McKee, Jr. They were another set of brothers that the Wassi could look up to and emulate. Matt and Dave taught them the ancient art of chanter and drumstick. Jack with his bagpipes and Matt with his drum play with the fervor that only true descendants of the great Waas line of Lichtenstein can muster. In their honor, Lichenstein has elected that June 21st shall be “Jack and Matt Wass Day: A day for booty-shaking and jolly-making!”


			The first test tube baby to be born at sea, Sam Fitzgerald was born off the coast of Ireland in 1978. On the boat, he was raised by a salty, international group of sailors and thieves. Put to work as a barnacle scraper from the moment he could walk, little Sammy forged desperate bonds with the creatures of the sea. He befriended octopi, dolphins, sea turtles, and whales that would swim by the ship and teach him the songs of the deep. Desperate for friendship, Sam would answer these songs by rhythmically pounding on the hull of the ship. Thus, was the beginning of his musical destiny. In 1986, while his ship was docked in the Calumet Harbor, Sam stowed away in a box of Polish Sausage and escaped into the great city of Chicago. A roaming pack of nuns from Alsip found him, took him in, and taught him the ways of South Side Irish Catholicism. Years went by and he forgot his lowly origins. Sam went on to live a semi-normal life, graduating from St, John Fisher, Marist High School, the University of Illinois and National-Louis University. But deep in his heart, the song of the sea still played on and caused him disturbing dreams and tearful awakenings. Something was missing...... One evening, while watching "So I Married an Axe Murderer," an epiphany came to him. "Whales sing in 6/8 time!!!!" Perhaps the soothing drones of bagpipes and the tender, woolen warmth of a kilt might ease his tortured soul. He met The Family McKee while tossing back a few and The Post in Evergreen Park and they told him of their search for a new bass drummer. Tears of joy filled Sam's eyes when he finally found his true calling. His soul rests while his hands play 6/8 time....for the whales.


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